Easier

Things I would like to know:

1) Is there an easier way to blog?

2) What easy tips do you have?
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I took this picture of my Grandmother sitting on the steps of the BPL 8.09


Easier.

That’s the name of the game. I think it is a main focus of anyone’s normal life, mainly brought to attention when their life begins to feel overwhelming. However, when recovering from a head injury – as severe or minor as it may be – the object of simplification quickly becomes front and center. How can things be… easier?

I reflect a lot. I write to help me reflect. I also really enjoy talking, so much I fear I’ve never grown out of that teenage girl phase! For a while, I had trouble stringing thoughts together to have a conversation. So writing gave me more time to put those thoughts somewhat together, change around my grammar, and look up words that I ‘misplaced’ definitions to. Right now, I’m reflecting on how much I’ve been able to get back over the last two years.

November 7, 2007 I had no idea how much I was going to go through. Often I heard the two year mark was what I should look forward to, when I would be the closest to ‘me’ that I would ever get. As my first year passed, I tried to celebrate. As my 18 month anniversary came, I took myself to a Red Sox game as a reward. I feel it’s important to reward yourself for anything you put your time into; I think it’s important to take your vacation time and spend money on a trip after working for weeks on end. So as two years came up on me, I’ve been shocked to find myself getting immediately upset at the very thought of it.

I’ve felt extremely stagnant, as I mentioned. I have been trying to find a job with every ounce of energy. I have fallen so far behind on my current course that I’d be foolish to try to catch up. And I’m right back to that awful phrase I had to learn two years ago: I just can’t.

What happens when I can’t do it all? Well let me tell you a quick story: I got pretty sick on Thursday, which happens. I wasn’t able to sleep Wednesday night. My father picked me up Thursday morning so I could drop him off at work and then drive to RI for neurofeedback. By the time we got to Braintree (about half hour from my door to his office) I was about to vomit. I hadn’t had a migraine in about a week while I made sure I would sleep two hours after every 5 hours being awake – and this one was over due. So I took my Axert and drove to the mall down the road to get away from the droning sounds of the school buses next to my dad’s work. I stayed there for an hour before I could drive to RI. On my way back, I tried to sleep in the car for a couple hours before taking the T back to Boston at 5 pm. I was miserable.

I got home and I eventually fell asleep. I slept all Friday. I slept all Saturday. I slept most of today and I’ve got a little bit of a headache. One bad day and poof! I’m down for the count.

Today, I’ve decided I need to let go. I have tried to find a pace and stick with it, but this pace is too much for me right now. So I am in need of simplifying. I am in need of getting back to the trivial things in life – like having food to eat. Everything else will just have to wait. And hopefully nobody will die because I couldn’t do my homework. Hopefully nobody will die because I don’t have a job yet. Hopefully I can make things easier so I can begin to congratulate myself on how much I have actually accomplished in the last two years, rather than come to tears because I am once again stagnant.

I can do math in my head.
I can write.
I can spell.
I can have a conversation.
I can learn.
I can understand complex medical jargon.
I can take out my own trash.
I can listen to music.
I can see well.
I can remember without writing every little thing down.
I got my freakin’ pharmacist license.
I can read a diagram and put things together.
I can be thankful.
I can love.
I can make things easier.

Everything else will come when it’s time. When it’s my time to have things, they’ll fall into place.